The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
