grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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