She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
