Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
