i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
