New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize