i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
