You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
