Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
