Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
