i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
We need a shit load of segways right now
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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