so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
