U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
