I showed him my bush... on skype.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
