i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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