Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
