He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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