I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
