so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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