Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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