One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Randomize
