I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
