There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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