Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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