This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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