She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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