My sheets look like a crime scene.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
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