i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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