Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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