I CAN MOONWALK!
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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