No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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