If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
