Need sex. Gaining weight.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
We don't watch enough power rangers
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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