You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
