I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
