i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
