I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
