Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
