I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
