I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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