I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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