I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
