i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
