if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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