i would punch a child for taco bell
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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