I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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