Just cropdusted the office
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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