That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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