You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
