I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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