just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Its about making memories worth repressing
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
it glows. i had to have it.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
