You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize