the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
