Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
