Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
