I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
