I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
