It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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