the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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