so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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