and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I think I won the penis lottery.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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